This will be my last blog as a caregiver. Jerry passed away peacefully on October 1st. Part of me is thankful his battle with cancer was short but the selfish part of me wishes he were here no matter what shape he was in.
I haven't posted much lately because my time was spent taking care of him. I cherished every moment of it too and would do it again and again if it would bring him back.
On September 27 Jerry's kidneys started shutting down. I took him to the ER where it was discovered he still had an infection. They admitted him to the hospital and sent him up to the oncology floor where his favorite nurses were. He was there until Sunday when they moved him to ICU because his blood pressure kept dropping and his heart rate was to high, plus his kidneys were getting worse.
The ICU he was in was great. It had windows in it and was very light. The ICU nurse told me they did not have any rules on the number of visitors at one time or how many people could be in the room. So I posted on his Facebook page what was going on and all of his friends started arriving on Monday. He was so happy to see them.
The palliative doctor came in and talked to Jerry for a minute then asked if he could talk to me in a different room. He told us that Jerry's kidneys were completely shut down and the infection wasn't getting any better. Jerry was having trouble breathing and kept asking us to sit him up so he could cough it up, but it wasn't working. The doctor suggested we make Jerry comfortable and let him go with the least amount of discomfort. After weighing all the options we decided it was for the best.
Monday night came and I stayed by his side the whole time. I tried to sleep but kept waking up to check his vitals on the monitor. He was steady all night. Tuesday people started arriving mid morning to visit with Jerry. By this time he was unconscious due to the morphine. As family and friends arrived his vitals started falling. Everyone took a moment to whisper to Jerry about their love for him. I called my two children who couldn't get in until the next day so they could talk to him on the phone. Tuesday afternoon a priest came by to give him last rights. The room was full of family and friends as I held his hand on his right and Patsy held his hand on his left. Even the nurse from the oncology floor was in the room. Once the priest finished giving the last rights Jerry took his last breath. He had gone home to be with our Lord and Savior.
His funeral was simple, the way he liked things. He wore his University of Texas Longhorn Polo shirt, jeans, and his boots. I left his watch and wedding band on him because he was very proud of those two things. The funeral was held outdoors and everyone wore casual clothing.
Jerry loved the Texas Longhorns almost as much as he loved me. So in his honor many were wearing University of Texas attire even though they were Oklahoma Sooner fans. The first song to play was George Strait's The Cowboy Rides Away. The second song was On Eagles Wings. The final song was the University of Texas Fight Song. Everyone formed the "Hook Em Horns" symbol with their hand. It was something Jerry would have been very proud of.
Now I'm trying to put my life back together. I plan to remodel the house the way Jerry and I had wanted to. Life will continue without him and although a part of me died with him I will continue too knowing one day I will be with him again.
Before I finish I would like to say a few things. First I would like to thank everyone who has prayed for us, helped us, advised us, sent cards and money to us, and anything else that is slipping my mind at the moment. I couldn't have done any of it without all of you.
Second cherish your loved ones because they may not be here tomorrow. When you get mad because they didn't put the cap back on the toothpaste or they didn't put the toilet seat down, think about them not being there at all.
And last for anyone who doesn't think prayer works I say Jerry was proof. No he wasn't healed, which is what I wanted, but the one thing I prayed for as much as him being healed was that he remain comfortable. I prayed that he wouldn't have much pain or nausea. The chemo didn't make him nauseated and the pain was controllable the whole time. I think the most pain pills he took in one day was 3 and that was because he couldn't take ibuprofen.
Thank you,
Joni
