Today was a fairly good day, but filled with mixed emotions. I finally sat down next to Jerry and discussed issues that everyone needs to discuss before this time comes. It was one of the most painful things I've ever done.
We discussed an Advance Directive for him, but decided to finish our discussion with the doctor. We went over things like where he would like to be buried, what music he wanted played at his funeral and what he wanted to be buried in. Jerry, being the biggest Longhorn fan, wants the University of Texas school song and fight song played at his funeral. He's even tossing around wearing a Longhorn t-shirt. He also wants a George Strait song called "The Cowboy Rides Away". That is one of his favorite songs and one that George Strait plays at the end of his concerts. I told him what ever he wanted I would make sure it happened.
We had several visitors today. Kevin and Brenda came by to visit. They also worked on the yard. I said something about the shrubs needing trimmed and not only did they trim the shrubs but mowed the yard, weeded, and edged it. I am so grateful to them because when I try to do it I'm sick for 3 days. They also helped me out with a shower chair for Jerry and a timer for watering the yard, because I always forget to do it.
After they left Jerry and I both took a long nap, because we were both up half the night with Dixie being sick. I took her to the vet because I was sure she swallowed something that was stuck in her throat. But she is fine, just a scratched throat. The vet is a new one in this neighborhood but I didn't want to take her to her normal vet because it would be a 5 hour wait. I told him my situation at home and said I couldn't afford a huge vet bill if it could be helped so he only charged me $50 and that included a shot and medication. I really did like him, he reminded me of a younger version of our regular vet.
This evening our neighbor, Phil came by to talk to Jerry. He came by once before right after Jerry got out of the hospital, but had not been back. I thought he hadn't been back because of the Devil dog that bit him last time. But that wasn't the case. He had been ill and didn't want to give it to Jerry which I much appreciate. We talked about the Lord and the Lords sees everything where we only see out the side window. I think it lifted Jerry's spirits some.
Jerry ate some today, not much but some. He did drink more though and I am thankful for that. He is trying I think. His pain seems to be getting worse but he says its just his head aches. It turns out that head aches are one of the side affects of a nausea pill he's taking. He hasn't seemed as nauseated today as he has the last few days so that is good.
He's been a little depressed today because he thought some people that are important to him would have been by, but they haven't yet. I have to admit I got a little upset too because I thought they were being selfish if they were staying away because they are afraid of their emotions. But then I realized that's the way some people deal with things like this. Jerry and I just have to remember they do care and they will come when they are ready.
So all in all it was a good day I think. Lets all pray for more of these.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
August 28, 2013
Today was a tough day. Jerry won't eat and he's taking more pills today than in the past. I've tried everything to get him to eat but he won't. He's even slowed down eating Popsicles.
I did a lot of crying today over him not eating, the fatigue, and the financial end of things. He is so weak it scares me when he stands up.
It seems like right after he has chemo he has a ton of energy, but it starts dropping during the week. This is his "free" week so no chemo, hence his extreme fatigue (I think). I've called the doctors and I don't think they understand what I'm telling them.
Today I asked him if he would agree to a feeding tube if needed. He said yes at this point he would do it but I would have to change the bag. I told him I have no problem doing that. So I'm going to discuss it with his doctor's nurse tomorrow. They might not do it because of the blood thinners.
I got an email from a Patient Advocate organization today. I had asked them if it was law yet where insurance companies had to except patients with pre-existing conditions. Guess what, its not until January 1st, 2014. I'm going to email my HR people tomorrow to see if there is a chance that my insurance will take pre-existing conditions. Right now he has nothing.
He had a shower tonight. You might think there isn't much to that, but there is. It's always an ordeal preparing him for a shower. He still has the tube and bag so we have to cover that up with plastic and tape it in order for it to stay dry. It exhaust him to shower so he only does it a few times a week.
He needs a hair cut badly so I've got to figure out how to get that done.
He's in bed and asleep now. Hopefully he will have a better day tomorrow.
I did a lot of crying today over him not eating, the fatigue, and the financial end of things. He is so weak it scares me when he stands up.
It seems like right after he has chemo he has a ton of energy, but it starts dropping during the week. This is his "free" week so no chemo, hence his extreme fatigue (I think). I've called the doctors and I don't think they understand what I'm telling them.
Today I asked him if he would agree to a feeding tube if needed. He said yes at this point he would do it but I would have to change the bag. I told him I have no problem doing that. So I'm going to discuss it with his doctor's nurse tomorrow. They might not do it because of the blood thinners.
I got an email from a Patient Advocate organization today. I had asked them if it was law yet where insurance companies had to except patients with pre-existing conditions. Guess what, its not until January 1st, 2014. I'm going to email my HR people tomorrow to see if there is a chance that my insurance will take pre-existing conditions. Right now he has nothing.
He had a shower tonight. You might think there isn't much to that, but there is. It's always an ordeal preparing him for a shower. He still has the tube and bag so we have to cover that up with plastic and tape it in order for it to stay dry. It exhaust him to shower so he only does it a few times a week.
He needs a hair cut badly so I've got to figure out how to get that done.
He's in bed and asleep now. Hopefully he will have a better day tomorrow.
The Hospital Stay
Jerry was admitted to the hospital where they started running test. He was anemic and had to be given 4 units of blood. The gastroenterologist told us there had to be some internally and they probably needed to do a scope of some kind.
Dr. Kovoor came in and told us Jerry had multiple tumors on his liver and some suspicious spots on his lungs. He then told us the tumors were probably cancer. He said they would do a biopsy but he was so sure about it that he was going to move Jerry to the oncology floor of the hospital.
On Thursday they did the biopsy and put a tube into Jerry's liver to drain it into a bag. The gastroenterologist came in and told us that he was going to do a colonoscopy in a few days and at the same time the surgeon was going to move Jerry's drain to a better place. They also planned to put a port in to make it easier to draw blood and if necessary do the chemo treatments. The colonoscopy was to determine where the bleeding was coming from and where the cancer originated from.
Friday the gastroenterologist asked Jerry if he wanted to go home for the weekend. I was silently praying Jerry would say no, not because I didn't want him home, but because there were 6 dogs at my house. Jerry did say no and said he would feel better staying at the hospital.
I'm glad he said no because on Saturday he had several strokes.
Saturday around noon my daughter, Amanda, brought my mom in to see Jerry. We all sat around talking when Amanda said she was dizzy. When it was time for my mom to leave I tried to talk Amanda into letting her sister, Stephanie, go with her. She said no she was fine. My mom hugged Jerry then me and as Amanda was about to hug Jerry she passed out. I got her over to the chair and asked one of the nurses to check her over. They did and suggested I take her to the ER just in case. I asked Stephanie to take my mom home while I took Amanda to the ER.
We wheeled Amanda down to the ER and got her checked in. I told Amanda I was going back up to Jerry's room to get my drink. Jerry seemed fine at that point so I got my drink and headed back down to the ER to sit with Amanda. After about 30 minutes I developed a head ache so I told Amanda I was going back to the room to get some ibuprofen. When I walked in Jerry was leaning sideways and making some noises. I asked if he was okay and he said yes. Then he asked me where I had been. I said in the ER with Amanda. He then said the one thing that scared me so bad. He said "What happened to Amanda?". I asked him if he was kidding with me and he said no. I told him she passed out next to his bed. He said he didn't remember. I immediately got on the telecom and asked a nurse to come to his room right away that something was wrong.
The nurse rushed in and I explained what happened. She had Jerry pull on her fingers with both hands. He seemed fine in that department. The she asked him his name and birth date. He is always the joker so he told her he was Bill Clinton. I told him he needed to be serious. So he told her his full name and birthday correctly. The nurse then asked him if he knew the date. He couldn't remember. She asked him if he knew who the president was, but he couldn't remember that either. He had basically forgotten the last few years of his life, including my name.
After several MRI's they determined he had several small strokes caused by blood clots breaking loose. That is when the blood thinners started.
Jerry kept asking us to "fill him in". Then he would say, "The last thing I remember is...never mind".
His speech was clear and his muscles strong on both sides. The stroke just affected his short term memory. I sat all evening telling him the same thing over and over again. He would forget as soon as I told him. Eventually his memory started to come back little by little. It started with him remembering that Kidd Kraddick had passed away. He told me, "Patsy is going to be upset". What is funny is Patsy didn't listen to Kidd Kraddick, but I did. He kept remembering that and every time I moved during the night he would ask me if he dreamed it.
He eventually remembered everything except the day of the stroke. He doesn't remember my mom being there or Amanda passing out.
Because of the stroke and the blood thinners it was decided not to do the procedures they planned to do. The plan was he would stay on the blood thinners for a few weeks then go off long enough to have the procedures done.
Jerry stayed in the hospital for another week. During that week it was confirmed he had cancer, and it probably originated in the lower bowel, but had metastasized to the liver and other parts of his body. They also told us it was terminal but because they didn't know where the cancer originated from they couldn't tell us how long he had left.
The following Saturday I brought Jerry home.
Tomorrow I'm going to finish this blog and will be caught up to the current time. Tonight I will start a new blog about my current life as a caregiver.
Dr. Kovoor came in and told us Jerry had multiple tumors on his liver and some suspicious spots on his lungs. He then told us the tumors were probably cancer. He said they would do a biopsy but he was so sure about it that he was going to move Jerry to the oncology floor of the hospital.
On Thursday they did the biopsy and put a tube into Jerry's liver to drain it into a bag. The gastroenterologist came in and told us that he was going to do a colonoscopy in a few days and at the same time the surgeon was going to move Jerry's drain to a better place. They also planned to put a port in to make it easier to draw blood and if necessary do the chemo treatments. The colonoscopy was to determine where the bleeding was coming from and where the cancer originated from.
Friday the gastroenterologist asked Jerry if he wanted to go home for the weekend. I was silently praying Jerry would say no, not because I didn't want him home, but because there were 6 dogs at my house. Jerry did say no and said he would feel better staying at the hospital.
I'm glad he said no because on Saturday he had several strokes.
Saturday around noon my daughter, Amanda, brought my mom in to see Jerry. We all sat around talking when Amanda said she was dizzy. When it was time for my mom to leave I tried to talk Amanda into letting her sister, Stephanie, go with her. She said no she was fine. My mom hugged Jerry then me and as Amanda was about to hug Jerry she passed out. I got her over to the chair and asked one of the nurses to check her over. They did and suggested I take her to the ER just in case. I asked Stephanie to take my mom home while I took Amanda to the ER.
We wheeled Amanda down to the ER and got her checked in. I told Amanda I was going back up to Jerry's room to get my drink. Jerry seemed fine at that point so I got my drink and headed back down to the ER to sit with Amanda. After about 30 minutes I developed a head ache so I told Amanda I was going back to the room to get some ibuprofen. When I walked in Jerry was leaning sideways and making some noises. I asked if he was okay and he said yes. Then he asked me where I had been. I said in the ER with Amanda. He then said the one thing that scared me so bad. He said "What happened to Amanda?". I asked him if he was kidding with me and he said no. I told him she passed out next to his bed. He said he didn't remember. I immediately got on the telecom and asked a nurse to come to his room right away that something was wrong.
The nurse rushed in and I explained what happened. She had Jerry pull on her fingers with both hands. He seemed fine in that department. The she asked him his name and birth date. He is always the joker so he told her he was Bill Clinton. I told him he needed to be serious. So he told her his full name and birthday correctly. The nurse then asked him if he knew the date. He couldn't remember. She asked him if he knew who the president was, but he couldn't remember that either. He had basically forgotten the last few years of his life, including my name.
After several MRI's they determined he had several small strokes caused by blood clots breaking loose. That is when the blood thinners started.
Jerry kept asking us to "fill him in". Then he would say, "The last thing I remember is...never mind".
His speech was clear and his muscles strong on both sides. The stroke just affected his short term memory. I sat all evening telling him the same thing over and over again. He would forget as soon as I told him. Eventually his memory started to come back little by little. It started with him remembering that Kidd Kraddick had passed away. He told me, "Patsy is going to be upset". What is funny is Patsy didn't listen to Kidd Kraddick, but I did. He kept remembering that and every time I moved during the night he would ask me if he dreamed it.
He eventually remembered everything except the day of the stroke. He doesn't remember my mom being there or Amanda passing out.
Because of the stroke and the blood thinners it was decided not to do the procedures they planned to do. The plan was he would stay on the blood thinners for a few weeks then go off long enough to have the procedures done.
Jerry stayed in the hospital for another week. During that week it was confirmed he had cancer, and it probably originated in the lower bowel, but had metastasized to the liver and other parts of his body. They also told us it was terminal but because they didn't know where the cancer originated from they couldn't tell us how long he had left.
The following Saturday I brought Jerry home.
Tomorrow I'm going to finish this blog and will be caught up to the current time. Tonight I will start a new blog about my current life as a caregiver.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
The Beginning
July 24th, 2013 is when my story began. Actually it began a few days before that when I noticed my husband just didn't have much energy. You see he was adamant about certain things. He insisted on everyone carrying the trash out to the alley trash can. He would say if we put it in the can next to the house it will stink. One day I was putting something in recycling and noticed that he had put the trash bag in the can next to the house. That is when I started suspecting something was wrong.
Next we went to the new Walmart to buy groceries and check it out. Jerry was hanging on the the basket the whole time. When I would stop to look at things he would hold the basket with both hands. Jerry was always walking at least 10 feet in front of me or going somewhere else in the store. As we continued our shopping I noticed he wasn't much better so I suggested he go sit down at the front of the store and wait for me. He agreed very quickly.
After we got home that same day he laid down for a nap, that part is not unusual, and I got on my computer. A few minutes later I went to the bedroom and noticed his skin color was yellow. I said something about it to him and insisted he call to get an appointment to see the doctor. He agreed.
He made his appointment for the following Tuesday. We arrived at the doctor and when the nurse weighed him it showed he had lost a lot of weight and was around 146 pounds, down from 180. The doctor told us she didn't like what she was seeing. She drew some blood and told us she would probably have him go to have a sonogram done the next day.
July 24th was the next day. Dr Patterson called Jerry and instead of telling him he needed to get a sonogram she told him she wanted him to go straight to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital they rushed Jerry in for a CT scan and lots of blood work. After several hours Dr. Bouchet came in to see us. She told us there were several tumors on Jerry's liver and she wanted to admit him to the hospital. She said that other doctors would come in to see us later in the day.
I will continue with the beginning tomorrow.
Next we went to the new Walmart to buy groceries and check it out. Jerry was hanging on the the basket the whole time. When I would stop to look at things he would hold the basket with both hands. Jerry was always walking at least 10 feet in front of me or going somewhere else in the store. As we continued our shopping I noticed he wasn't much better so I suggested he go sit down at the front of the store and wait for me. He agreed very quickly.
After we got home that same day he laid down for a nap, that part is not unusual, and I got on my computer. A few minutes later I went to the bedroom and noticed his skin color was yellow. I said something about it to him and insisted he call to get an appointment to see the doctor. He agreed.
He made his appointment for the following Tuesday. We arrived at the doctor and when the nurse weighed him it showed he had lost a lot of weight and was around 146 pounds, down from 180. The doctor told us she didn't like what she was seeing. She drew some blood and told us she would probably have him go to have a sonogram done the next day.
July 24th was the next day. Dr Patterson called Jerry and instead of telling him he needed to get a sonogram she told him she wanted him to go straight to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital they rushed Jerry in for a CT scan and lots of blood work. After several hours Dr. Bouchet came in to see us. She told us there were several tumors on Jerry's liver and she wanted to admit him to the hospital. She said that other doctors would come in to see us later in the day.
I will continue with the beginning tomorrow.
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