Being a Caregiver Sux

Jerry had been running a low grade fever all last weekend but it was so low I knew the doctors wouldn't do anything so I decided to wait.  On Monday I took him to see his neurologist. His blood pressure was very low and even though the neurologist didn't say anything about it I decided to take him down to Oncology to see if they could give him some fluids.  They got him in and checked his blood pressure again.  It was 66/53 so they put him in the hospital.  The doctor said if I had not brought him down when I did it would have been bad.  Now I'm afraid to leave him because that makes 2 times I've stopped something bad happening, even though doctors and nurses were around both times.

He spent the last week in the hospital due to an infection.  He gained around 8 pounds because he ate Sweet and Sour Chicken every day.  While he was in the hospital he improved in some ways but seems to be worse in others. On Thursday they gave him a mild sedative so they could replace his drain.  That "mild" sedative put him into a sound sleep with him only taking 4 breaths a minute.  The nurses were watching him closely but didn't want to give him something to wake him up due to the side affects.  After 4 hours though they decided they needed to.  He woke up and thought he had the procedure the day before instead of that day. 

He was sent home yesterday with a strong antibiotic (that I had to pay full price for). That's when I noticed things were different.  He was much weaker than he was when he went into the hospital.  He was also very angry and says mean things.  He said something about wanting Sweet and Sour Chicken from Panda Express so I told him I needed to learn how to make it.  He told me it wouldn't be nearly as good as Panda Express was.  I asked him how he knew because I had never made it. 

He has started yelling at total strangers when they are trying to help him.  That isn't like him at all.  I know it's because he's angry and depressed over his illness but at the same time it's embarrassing.  Thank God these people are used to that kind of behavior. A Physical Therapist is coming to our home starting tomorrow.  I hope he doesn't give them a hard time.

I find myself crying all the time it seems like.  I've gotten turned down for all kind of financial help so far.  Jerry has gotten approved for disability but it won't start until January 1st.  Medicare will start 2 years after that.  We were turned down for Medicaid because I make to much money and we were turned down for a mortgage loan modification because I don't make enough money.  I asked them if the payment could be deferred for a few months and they told me they didn't do that (even though according to the government they are supposed to).  So it looks like our home of 15 years will be foreclosed on even though the owner is terminally ill.   I'm starting to get desperate. 

The Bible tells me God has a plan and I just need to relax and let him take care of things.  But I'm afraid I'll have to put Jerry in a nursing home of some kind because I can't take care of him properly.  Of course I can't afford that either.  Once I put him on my insurance I won't be able to afford my home or an apartment.

Now you know why I've titled this blog "Being a Caregiver Sux".  But at the same time I will continue doing what I need to do because I love him.